Monday, May 19, 2008

Olfactory Nerves

Okay, I have a question.  Are the olfactory nerves of a toddler broken? 

I have changed 2 hideous diapers for Ashton today and I have to be honest - they were horrifying. Sure, zombies and chain saws are scary but true horror is what I faced with only some wet towels. There wasn't even the usual scary music to clue me in on what was coming.  

This leads me to my point.  How is it that, when I can hardly stand to be in the same room as my cute but severely odorific (not a real word but it should be) son, he is smiling jovially up at me.  I am gagging and he is chanting "diaper rash".  (Which does not mean a less than pleasant skin irritation on the less than pleasant part of his anatomy.  What he means is "diaper trash" as in, Can I please put my own diaper in the trash?  To which I answer, yes please and thank all the saints in heaven that I don't have to around this little gem any longer than is absolutely necessary.)

Sorry, I digress.

Why is it that I am practically retching from the stench and he can grab the offensive bundle of nasty and tuck it under his arm like a pro wide-receiver?  This, of course, keeps it safe from all those 200 pound 2 year olds who are trying to force the fumble thereby retrieving the effects of the more than adequate, workings of his inner bowel.  Seriously, due to the fact that he has shorter arms and torso and an overly large cranium (don't all toddlers?) his cradling of the cr** puts it just 3 inches from his nose.  How is he still alive?!?

This is my question.  This is what I think about when the temp hits 110.  Okay, honestly, this is what I think of regardless of the temp.  It is hard to be me.

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Iron man

We went and saw Iron man yesterday.  I have to say I wasn't expecting much.  I love action but am not a huge Robert Downey Jr. fan.  Plus, I really couldn't see him playing a super hero.  It was a bit of a stretch for me.  But, Brock had heard really good things about it and he had really wanted to see it.  Plus, we were double dating with some friends...

*side note here:  We finally have friends!  After only a year plus we finally have friends to hang out with.  They are a lot of fun and we now consider them our best friends in Phoenix.  Congrats to them.  (In the interest of full disclosure they are our only friends so being at the top of the list is fairly relative.) We enjoy their company so much we think of them often and have to control our desires to spend all our free time with them.  Don't want to scare them away now that we have them......... Do you think it's too early to ask them to move in with us?

Back to my movie review......

Brock and David (one of our new best friends please see above) both wanted to see this so I caved gracefully.  I have to say this was a great movie.  It was really funny and fast paced.  Has Robert Downey Jr. always been so funny?  Maybe I do like him and I have just forgotten - one of the many things to fall into the memory abyss I like to call motherhood.  

Anyway, the special effects were great, the lines were funny, and the bad guys were HUGE and very.............. bad looking - in a good way.  Iron man's trusty side kick Pepper Potts (okay, not side kick so much as assistant with attitude) was so funny I was thinking I would adopt her name in her honor.  Heather Grayson leaves so much to be desired.  But, Pepper Potts has it all. It just flows doesn't it?  Of course, with all my great ideas comes the crushing reality.  What if people begin to describe me as "peppy".  I don't like being called "peppy".  I am not "peppy".  Worse still.  What if they shorten my name and just call me "P.P."?  That is not okay with me.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Here's to Your Health

We live in the Valley of the Sun.  Sounds nice, doesn't it?  It brings to mind a beautiful sun shining over a lush green valley.  Where a light breeze blows through the trees making that sighing noise that I equate with God being happy.  The sun would be high in the sky, it's light striking leaves of various colors of green before finally finding it's way to earth to absorb the browns, reds, and blacks that make up the earth's cushion.  Of course, there would be a stream trickling away in the background, it's sounds making the melody to the lower hum of the local inhabitants going about their business.

This is not the Valley of the Sun of which I speak.  Our sun doesn't warm, it bakes.  Our leaves (if they can be called leaves) don't dance and sigh.  They draw blood, as does every other tree, bush, flower, plant, cactus, or weed we may be able to grow here.  And doesn't the word "valley" suggest that there should be some sort of higher ground around ... somewhere ... anywhere?

Despite these obvious drawbacks I am growing to love living here.  The only downside, negative, unfavorable, disadvantageous, worrisome part is the sun blindness.

"What is sun blindness," you ask.  It is when the sun causes immediate, irreversible blindness.  Hence the name - sun blindness.  Appropriate isn't it?  Yes, I think so too.  Coincidentally named maybe?  I think not.  A figment of my sun baked imagination?  I will admit to nothing.

There is no cure for sun blindness.  Precautions must be taken.  We must be ever vigilant, never slacking.  No place is safe.  That's right.  NO PLACE!

Not even the bath.....