My brain will eat itself and I'll die - an Easter story

So Easter has come and gone again just as it has done ever since its inception.  It is, like all holidays, comfortingly consistent.  Well, as consistent as a holiday that seems to land on random Sundays can be.  Will it be in March this year?  April?  Who decides?  Is there a world Easter Czar that pronounces it's day and how does one get that job?  

Okay, I digress.  On with my Easter story.

Saturday night I got home after watching some friends kids and my husband turns to me and asks if I remembered inviting the missionaries over for dinner the following night.  What a silly question.  Of course I don't remember.  Do I ever?  And of course the following day would be Easter and I was now in charge of bringing a little piece of home to these poor elders who are serving so diligently our Lord and Savior, but, hey, no pressure right?  Did I mention that I got home that night at about 10 so I immediately felt slightly overwhelmed?  Being the man of the hour my dear, sweet husband offered to run to the store for anything I might need.  I thanked him profusely and told him I would, in payment for services rendered, make his favorite banana cream pie.  He was very excited and left immediately.

The next day was the sabbath but I had agreed to stay home and man the Ashton station.  Since I was missing any and all forms of spiritual uplift I decided to commit myself to making the best Easter dinner these Elders had ever had.  I would serve them to the best of my abilities.  I spent most of the day cooking and trying to keep the kitchen under some kind of control.  I did well if I do say so myself.  I even had everything ready in a timely manner for the elders arrival at 5:30.    

The elders came in, greeted everyone and sat down at the table.  Now, while the food was made it was not yet on the table.  Elder One (name changed to protect the innocent although "innocent" is a relative term here) looked at me sweating in the kitchen and said.

"Did we mention our dietary needs?"

Why no, no they hadn't mentioned "dietary needs".  There had been no "needs" mentioned at all accepting the obvious "need" to be fed.  

"No." I answered hesitantly hoping they would then say, "We are allergic to walnuts." To which I would answer with relief in my voice, "Oh that's fine.  I didn't use any walnuts."

"Elder Two can't eat protein."

WHAT?!?  I made pot roast!  That's like 4 pounds of protein!  Are you serious?

"What do you mean by protein?"  I asked although I already knew the answer - most if not all animal by-products contained protein as well as a host of other sources.  I was biding my time hoping against hope that his condition would be miraculously cured in the next few seconds.  It wasn't.

"I can't eat protein."  Elder two explained in a very non-explanatory way.  

So you wont be eating my 4 pounds of cow?  Or my cheese sauce that I have smothered on the cauliflower?  Or the banana cream pie that is chock full of dairy?  

"What can you eat?"

"Fruits and vegetables."  He answered.

Fabulous.  The only vegetable I have is covered in a very offensive (but tasty) cheese sauce.  So we took the only option available to us.  We gave him a salad which really amounted to a lot of lettuce with some semi-oldish italian dressing (no ranch for this one).  Nothing says Easter like a small amount of lettuce on a dinner plate with a dressing that could very well be older than my children. 

As we all sat around the table enjoying our various dinners I felt prompted to ask, "So what happens  to you when you eat protein?"  I was thinking perhaps he got a nasty rash, hives, some swelling, maybe his throat would close causing a panicked call to 911.

"My body can't break the protein down so my brain will begin to eat itself and I'll die."

Oh.  Well.  Goodness.  That's not good, is it?  But, hey, at least you wont get a rash.

cute hair

I never thought I would have girls.  I really didn't know what to do with them.  You see all these mom's with little girls with cute hair - I could barely do a pony tail.

Now, however, I have girls and I love to do cute things to their hair.  It is a sickness.  I see a cute hair style and I will follow the child (at a discrete distance so as not to scare the mother) to see how they did it.

My stalking days are over now though.  (No I was not arrested.)  I simply found this blog that gives great ideas and walks you through them.  

This is for you with cute girls (I know your out there - I've seen your pictures).

www.shedoeshair.blogspot.com

I wish I had found this before valentines day.  They had the cutest ideas.

Have fun and take pictures so we can see how you did.

What's in a name?

Every year of my son's short life some time has been spent in the ER.  Always for breathing/croup problems.  When he was only a few months old he got sick and after the first round of medications didn't work he was diagnosed with the beginnings of pneumonia.  (To make matters worse our pediatrician wouldn't see him because his name - the pediatrician's - wasn't on his - Ashton's - medical card.  So while I am holding my wheezing new born they sent me away to find an ER.  In the interest of full disclosure the ER was downstairs but I still had to pay $100 instead of $10 and wait in ER lines instead of seeing the man that had seen him multiple times by this point.  Why you ask would your pediatrician see him a month ago for a well check but not now when his little life hung in the balance?  No idea but hostile phone calls were made and things were taken care of by the time our ER visit was over.  Don't mess with Mama.)

The second year his cold turned into a double ear infection which again turned into pneumonia.  I blogged about it once last year in phhbtt.

So here we go again.  Ashton had a cough that just wouldn't go away.  He didn't have a fever, no body aches, no changes in his appetite.  I brought it up to the doctor we saw for his 5 month well check.  It was a new doctor.  (Not new to the practice, just new to us.)  

"Why don't you try this Singular?"  He asked me.  "Here is a 2 week sample.  Call me if it works and I'll get you a prescription.  It should help with his allergies."

Okay.  I thought.  Why not.  So I used it and after about a week he got better.  After 2 weeks he was great.  "Wonderful."  I thought.  "No need to use that anymore."  So I didn't call back.  (Can you see the mother of the year award sliding away from me yet again?)

Then comes the good part.  I was having a presidency meeting here (I am now in the primary presidency.) and Ashton started to cry.  I ignored him as we were in the middle of some very important ... stuff.  About 30 minutes later they had left and I went to check him.  He could barely breath.  His chest would cave in on each inhalation and his little body was wracked with coughing fits upon exhalation.  I ran with him outside to see if the cold air would help.  No good.  I tried to decide if I should try to give him a breathing treatment at home but I wasn't sure he was getting enough air into his little lungs to do him much good.  So, back to the ER we go.  Again.  Again they tell me croup.  

To be honest with you I didn't know what to do.  We have done this every year.  Every year I rush him to the ER and every year they tell me croup which eventually turns into pneumonia and it isn't until my son is really sick that the medication seems to help him.  Why, I ask, is that?  Why does he have to get so sick before he is allowed to get better.

Today I got my answer.  Today I took him back to the doctors because, again, he wasn't improving.  I asked this time to see the same doctor I had seen about a month ago now.  The "Singular" doctor.  Double ear infection was the diagnosis again.  I could have cried.  "So why don't I just skip giving any medication and just come back in a few days when he has pneumonia and get that medication.  It'll save me a few bucks on medicine that doesn't seem to work anyway."   I thought.

"Tell me about him."  The doctor said.

So I did.  I told him how he had prescribed the Singular and how it had worked.  I told him about our trip to the ER and the diagnosis of croup - again.  

He looked up and said, "Croup?  Are you sure?"  

"No."  I said.  "That is what they said.  I don't know."

"It isn't croup.  It's asthma."

Now I will tell you what is in a name.  Everything.

Everything is in a name.  Now my son has a name for what has happened to him every year of his life.  Now I have a name to treat.  Asthma.  I can fix that.  This cold, flu, croup thing I can't fix.  Nothing worked.  But asthma I can work with.  By giving the illness a name he gave me hope.  Hope that I wont have to listen to my son struggle to breath while praying with all my might that he didn't just take his last as I drive too fast to the ER for help.  Hope that he wont have an attack at night that I miss because I have been awake for too long listening to each breath he takes and I am so tired.  Hope that I wont have to watch my son cry for relief that I can't give him and then stop because it requires too much energy.  More than he has to give.  Hope that I wont have to sit in the ER waiting for some doctor I have never seen before say "croup" before he has even touched my son and after 4 hours in the middle of the night I am sent on my way with nothing more than a "call your doctor if he doesn't get better".  Here's a clue for you - HE DOESN'T EVER GET BETTER!

Doctors don't diagnose kids with asthma when they are under 5 years old unless they meet very specific conditions.  Ashton does not meet those criteria.  When I brought this up with the doctor he agreed that Ashton does not have the diagnosis but for all intensive purposes that is what he has - treat is as such.  I could kiss him right on the mouth.  (I wont because it is very inappropriate and wrong.)  But, I could.  So here's to you doc. The one willing to give it a name.

SMACK!  (Kisses for you.)

Final thoughts on Disney Land

So, I was looking through some old pictures of us in Disney Land and I realized that there were a lot I never posted. (If you are thinking "No surprise there." I would ask you to keep your comments to yourself.) So I am going to post them now with my thoughts on the happiest place on earth.  I will warn you now that there are a lot of pictures.  I have to make up for lost time.

1.  Disney Land is clean.  I love clean.  The bathrooms are clean.  Don't you hate walking into those bathrooms that smell like they were built in the middle ages by people who routinely chucked the contents of their chamber pots out their own windows?  Well I do anyway.  Everywhere you look people are sweeping and wiping and picking up.  Even the train is clean.  In the 3 days I spent with hundreds of people I never once stepped on gum.  Bliss.

2.  Disney Land thinks of everything.  You can even buy diapers if you need one from nice ladies dressed in a very Mary Poppins-ish outfit.  They have nice changing tables and even little potties for little people to use.  (This is not in reference to people with dwarfism as that would be rude.)  Unfortunately, the diapers cost a dollar each so Mickey and his peeps are raking it in every time some mom (i.e. me) forgets to bring more than one diaper for 8 hours of drink filled fun.

3.  People are nice at Disney Land.  I know I haven't been there as much as some people have but I have rarely heard snotty remarks made.  (Except that time the drunk guy stepped on some ladies kid in the haunted mansion but my kids were not there so they didn't hear rash words exchanged and even then there was no cussing.  Impressive as Mr. Drunk smelled like a distillery with a leak.)

Ready for pictures yet?  I thought so.  No need to make rude remarks.  See #3 above.  We can all learn from Disney Land.  (I meant about being nice not about being so drunk you step on children and smell like you have a leak.)

4.  The characters are great.  After our Easter Bunny trauma I was worried but they really know how to put the kids at ease.

Here is Ellie with Aladin (lest you think we let our children hang out with strange men with really small red caps on their heads). Isn't she cute?

Ellie, Ashton and Liv with Minnie.

Ashton with Mickey. I know he doesn't look all that thrilled but he was. Really.

Okay, not as thrilled as he was to sit in Mickey's car but still... thrilled.

In fact, the characters were so great that sometimes we didn't even care if they were real.

Elle.

Liv.

5.  Disney Land offers not only the afore mentioned characters and rides but also performances by some world renown actors such as...

Pooh, Tigger, and the new girl. (As a little side note, what was wrong with Christopher Robin? Did the feminists get him? After all, Kanga was the only female character. Perhaps she was too maternal for their liking? Chris is gone. New girl
comes in. Coincidence? I think not.)

The Little Einsteins

And.......... Mickey!!!!!!!!

6.  Mickey may be a mouse but he rules the world.  For instance, he has an ice cream sandwich made in the shape of his face.  Can the president say that?  Today Obama was sworn into office as the president of the most powerful country in the world.  But I ask you, does he have an ice cream sandwich made of his face?  No he does not.  And Mickey can charge a few hundred dollars for a mouse shaped desert and people will pay.  That's power my friends.  That's power.  

Ellie proving that even over priced treats looking like rich rodents are tasty.

7.  Disney Land makes you tired.

8. To every lesson there is an exception.

Where have you been all my life... or at least since last Nov?

I have finally decided to embrace being a bad blogger.  I think every blogging community needs one and I have decided to offer up myself for service (or lack thereof) so you, my friends, don't have to.  Offer yourselves up I mean.  Anyway........

Because of my new life calling I am no longer going to apologize for failing to write.  What is the point I ask myself?  This tragic trend isn't going to end.  I am not going to become a continual contributor of the blog.  No radical transformation will ensue causing frequent frivolity or arduous autobiographical adventures.  Besides it is really hard to come up with so many words starting with the same letter.  I am finally finished.  Okay, seriously.  I need to stop.

Here is a brief overview of our last few months.

Brock has been working hard to find people who want to build buildings.  There are not many out there.

I have been released from my food storage calling and been given a new calling as the primary secretary.  This is a lot of work.  I never knew.  Wow is what I have to say about this calling.  Just wow.

The girls have turned 5.  Can you believe it?

Ashton has gotten a new room make over.  New paint on the walls and new bedding for his big boy bed.

I will have pictures.  Someday.  Probably.  Maybe.

The rest of our summer-ish

This is a little(ish) picture montage of the rest of our summer. We had a blast. And hey, I'm even writing about it before the end of the year!

To finish off our story about our visit to Utah let me begin with one of the best things about the Boswell backyard.  It's big.  I mean really big.  Not so big that you would buy a horse or a cow or anything but considering our backyard is hardly larger than ......... okay, I have nothing but our backyard is hardly larger than something not very large let me tell you - we luurrrvvved it.

Here are the kids playing on the swing set. Every night after dinner they got to go back outside and play. A picture perfect moment if I do say so myself.

And they have a 4 wheeler which didn't work well on grass until Teresa and I went a little MacGyver on it and dismantled a couple of bike tires, screwed them on the wheels and voila! - instant traction

Remember how I said we had so much fun on our day in the canyon. Well, I feel it needs to be said again. We had so much fun! It was wet. We don't get wet all that often so we try to enjoy it when we can. This picture missed all of the giggling, splashing, and merry making but it had happened. Trust me.

One thing the canyon did have in abundance was cold. We (i.e. me) don't really like cold. I do what I can to protect myself from all forms of cold. Cold is bad. So I did this to my son. Let's face it, if you have read my past blogs you will know that this is by far NOT the worse thing I have done to this boy. Thankfully Teresa found a jacket for him to wear thus avoiding a very embarrassing Oliver Twist type moment.

Unfortunately the girls were not as lucky. If you look at this picture closely you will see how similar the hats look. That is not because we had two very fetching red hats. No. It is because we had one very fetching red hat and one equally fetching bag that said hat (and a nice pair of gloves) went in. This will take years of therapy to cure. Oh well. As long as it happens after 18 so I don't have to pay for it.

Our trip also included a trip to the zoo. Look at these two cute boys together.

This is what they were pointing at. No, that is not me pregnant. It is in fact a real elephant. (Sorry I couldn't resist the pregnant joke. However, when you tell them you can only tell them about yourself - even if you are not pregnant - because real pregnant people can be mean and they move faster than one would think.)

Here is another picture of the kids together. They have such a great time. I wish we could go more often. Maybe Disney Land?

Here is a picture of the kids being done with posing together for pictures.

On one of my last blogs I showed the great children's museum Salt Lake City has to offer. Here is a picture of some of our crew playing with air tunnels. You can kind of see one just to the right of grandma Kathy.

This is why I love the science center. The picture isn't very good but look at the wonder on this kid's face. Makes my soul happy.

As much fun as all of this was though it is not the main reason I love to travel to visit friends and family - or have them travel to visit me. These are the reasons I love to go.

Cooper is so kind and patient and loving with his little cousins. Here he is reading to my baby.

And to the girls. Don't you just love this kid.

The Boswell's came to visit us as well and we met a large amount of family for a day at our zoo and a picnic after.

There was also sprinkler fun at Granner's.

But again, the greatest part is just being together with people you love. It doesn't matter, really, what you do or don't do - just that it is done together. Whether it be ........

playing in the sandbox

or jamming on our alligator pianos.

We just love to be together.

Disney Travel Log

I would just like to begin this blog with some self affirmation.  We did this a week ago.  Yes, my friends, my Disney turn around time is one week.  I should get a medal.


Here was our very first character sighting.  I was a bit apprehensive about how the whole "character thing" would go.  We took the kids to an Easter egg hunt at the store once and just seeing the Easter Bunny across the room scarred the kids for life.  For the next few months all I heard at bed time was "The Easter Bunny isn't coming right mom?"  For months!!  Heaven help me when a five and a half foot tall mouse shows up.  I tried to warn them.  "Mickey Mouse isn't small girls.  He's big like daddy."  They looked at me like I had grown a second head.  Well, I tried.  

Despite my worries all went well.  Ashton ran to Minnie and threw his arms around her.  Ellie was a close second.  Livvy wasn't interested. (The Easter Bunny was closest to her and she has never really been the same since.)  Once she saw that Minnie didn't eat the other two though she thought she might have a go at it.  She still wasn't too sure about it but at least she didn't run away screaming.  (I'm telling you the Easter Bunny will be the death of me.)

It is my humble opinion that some rides are less rides and more instruments of torture, i.e. the tea cups.  Who's bright idea was it to enclose people in a small area facing each other and then spin them until they vomit?  Thank heavens for dads!

The favorite ride of all was Dumbo.  A close second was the carousel - until we went on Winnie the Pooh.  Unfortunately Winnie does his business in the dark so I couldn't take a picture of it. (Well, that came out wrong.)  Anyway, here are pictures of Dumbo and the carousel.

There are times when, as a parent, you wonder if you are doing a good job.  Are my kids good, upstanding members of the community I wonder.  (Well, as upstanding as they can be at four and a half anyway.)  I hope they are not mean ... or twitchy.  Both would be bad.  And then something happens that lets you know you are doing a good job.  Your children show kindness when they think no one is watching. This picture isn't all that good but it shows Ellie helping Livvy down Tarazan's Tree House.  Eventually Liv didn't need any help but the first couple times her sister was invaluable.

And, lest you think this was a complete fluke - a once in a life time kind of thing.  Here is a picture of Ellie helping Livvy put on her hat.  They are 2.  (I really only included it because it was cute.

Here is the problem with having twins.  When you have them you get a double stroller which works great.  But, then you have another child and what do you do?  Get a single stroller?  Well that seems silly since you already have a double.  It's like downsizing.  As an American I feel as if it is my duty to never downsize.  But then do you get a triple stroller?  Well that just seems a bit too much doesn't it?  I mean please.  I may be an American but I'm not pretentious enough to have a triple stroller.  Plus, they don't really fit through doorways.  So this is what you do.  Getto isn't it?