Olfactory Nerves

Okay, I have a question.  Are the olfactory nerves of a toddler broken? 

I have changed 2 hideous diapers for Ashton today and I have to be honest - they were horrifying. Sure, zombies and chain saws are scary but true horror is what I faced with only some wet towels. There wasn't even the usual scary music to clue me in on what was coming.  

This leads me to my point.  How is it that, when I can hardly stand to be in the same room as my cute but severely odorific (not a real word but it should be) son, he is smiling jovially up at me.  I am gagging and he is chanting "diaper rash".  (Which does not mean a less than pleasant skin irritation on the less than pleasant part of his anatomy.  What he means is "diaper trash" as in, Can I please put my own diaper in the trash?  To which I answer, yes please and thank all the saints in heaven that I don't have to around this little gem any longer than is absolutely necessary.)

Sorry, I digress.

Why is it that I am practically retching from the stench and he can grab the offensive bundle of nasty and tuck it under his arm like a pro wide-receiver?  This, of course, keeps it safe from all those 200 pound 2 year olds who are trying to force the fumble thereby retrieving the effects of the more than adequate, workings of his inner bowel.  Seriously, due to the fact that he has shorter arms and torso and an overly large cranium (don't all toddlers?) his cradling of the cr** puts it just 3 inches from his nose.  How is he still alive?!?

This is my question.  This is what I think about when the temp hits 110.  Okay, honestly, this is what I think of regardless of the temp.  It is hard to be me.

Iron man

We went and saw Iron man yesterday.  I have to say I wasn't expecting much.  I love action but am not a huge Robert Downey Jr. fan.  Plus, I really couldn't see him playing a super hero.  It was a bit of a stretch for me.  But, Brock had heard really good things about it and he had really wanted to see it.  Plus, we were double dating with some friends...

*side note here:  We finally have friends!  After only a year plus we finally have friends to hang out with.  They are a lot of fun and we now consider them our best friends in Phoenix.  Congrats to them.  (In the interest of full disclosure they are our only friends so being at the top of the list is fairly relative.) We enjoy their company so much we think of them often and have to control our desires to spend all our free time with them.  Don't want to scare them away now that we have them......... Do you think it's too early to ask them to move in with us?

Back to my movie review......

Brock and David (one of our new best friends please see above) both wanted to see this so I caved gracefully.  I have to say this was a great movie.  It was really funny and fast paced.  Has Robert Downey Jr. always been so funny?  Maybe I do like him and I have just forgotten - one of the many things to fall into the memory abyss I like to call motherhood.  

Anyway, the special effects were great, the lines were funny, and the bad guys were HUGE and very.............. bad looking - in a good way.  Iron man's trusty side kick Pepper Potts (okay, not side kick so much as assistant with attitude) was so funny I was thinking I would adopt her name in her honor.  Heather Grayson leaves so much to be desired.  But, Pepper Potts has it all. It just flows doesn't it?  Of course, with all my great ideas comes the crushing reality.  What if people begin to describe me as "peppy".  I don't like being called "peppy".  I am not "peppy".  Worse still.  What if they shorten my name and just call me "P.P."?  That is not okay with me.

Here's to Your Health

We live in the Valley of the Sun.  Sounds nice, doesn't it?  It brings to mind a beautiful sun shining over a lush green valley.  Where a light breeze blows through the trees making that sighing noise that I equate with God being happy.  The sun would be high in the sky, it's light striking leaves of various colors of green before finally finding it's way to earth to absorb the browns, reds, and blacks that make up the earth's cushion.  Of course, there would be a stream trickling away in the background, it's sounds making the melody to the lower hum of the local inhabitants going about their business.

This is not the Valley of the Sun of which I speak.  Our sun doesn't warm, it bakes.  Our leaves (if they can be called leaves) don't dance and sigh.  They draw blood, as does every other tree, bush, flower, plant, cactus, or weed we may be able to grow here.  And doesn't the word "valley" suggest that there should be some sort of higher ground around ... somewhere ... anywhere?

Despite these obvious drawbacks I am growing to love living here.  The only downside, negative, unfavorable, disadvantageous, worrisome part is the sun blindness.

"What is sun blindness," you ask.  It is when the sun causes immediate, irreversible blindness.  Hence the name - sun blindness.  Appropriate isn't it?  Yes, I think so too.  Coincidentally named maybe?  I think not.  A figment of my sun baked imagination?  I will admit to nothing.

There is no cure for sun blindness.  Precautions must be taken.  We must be ever vigilant, never slacking.  No place is safe.  That's right.  NO PLACE!

Not even the bath.....

Think Romantical Thoughts

The past couple months have been crazy here.  We have had a lot of visitors: Kathy and Richard, Aaron and Teresa and kids, Karrie, her sister, her sisters boyfriend, her sisters kid, (Karrie's sister's name is Allison.  It is not a state secret or anything.  I have just always referred to her as "Karrie's sister".  Oops.)  My parents, and Brock's parents.  We have also been sick.  All of the kids got pink eye (previous blog) and just recently Ashton got the stomach flu.  

Now, I wont go into details like I have in the past because, really, the stomach flu isn't funny.  Well, not that funny anyway.  But here is an over view.

Ashton got sick on Wednesday morning.  Thankfully we were sitting outside waiting to pick up the girls from pre-school so he didn't get sick in the car, or the pool (which is where we were a few minutes previously).  But he did get sick multiple times throughout the day and while I avoided the nasty the first time I wasn't always so lucky.  By the end of the day I had decided that the world was conspiring against me.  (I frequently think this when things don't go my way.)  Why else would Ashton get sick on the one day of the week that would be hardest for me.  Here are the reasons why that day was the worst.

1) Brock was working late so I was on my one with 2 pre-schoolers who spill their drinks  A LOT and one sick-o baby.  

2)  I had (emphasis on the past tense) planned on going with the kids over to a friends house for dinner.  Not so much once the regurgitating began.

3) I LOVE nap time.  I LIVE FOR nap time.  Angels sing and cherubs dance during nap times.  (It really is quite amazing.)  However, since Ashton was sick he didn't nap.  He was doing other things.  And, because he didn't nap neither did the girls.  This means I had all 3 of my kids for 12+ hours with no help from my husband in sight (see #1)

But, I prevailed.  I didn't let it get me down.  I got through the day with hardly a scratch and put the kids to bed early.  Then I sat.  I was tired so I just sat.  Sitting is good.

Brock came home around 9 and asked about the kids.  I filled him in on my day and then he looked at me and said:

"So, you want to get lucky?"

What!  Are you kidding me?  Do I look like I want to "get lucky"?  Do I smell like I want to "get lucky"?  Have you been listening to my day?  (I thought all this is about a nano-second.  The brain is really an amazing thing.)

What I said was:

"I've been vomited on multiple times today but if you want me..." (I even held my arms out to demonstrate how willing I am.)

Brock gave me a deadpan look and said, "Wow.  You really know how to turn a guy on."

Years of practice my friend.  Years of practice.

Easter

So, I have a little problem.  

"Little?" you think. 

Sarcasm is not helpful here.

My problem is that I declared on my blog (i.e. to the world as a whole) that I would be posting more often.  What that small declaration has lead me to is a realization that my life is not fraught with excitement.   For instance, today I took the girls to get their haircut.  That is really not worthy of blogging.  (Can you believe there was a time when our days were NOT measured by their blogging potential?  Me either.)  Maybe if it was their FIRST haircut... but it wasn't.  We have done this many times before.  Maybe if I had tinted their hair various colors.  But... I didn't.  Ellie got an orange barrette in her hair - a butterfly.  Not that interesting.  I didn't even take a picture.  Maybe if there had been singing or dancing by the beauticians, or my children for that matter, but again, there wasn't. By either.  

After the girls got their haircut I took them to McDonald's for a treat.  Still not worth mentioning really. (although I still will - mention it I mean)  We got our food.  We ate our food.  Ellie sat in the booth behind us and cried.  (I chose to sit between her and Liv instead of sitting on the other side of Ellie so I wouldn't be by Liv at all. Dad sat by himself on the other side of the table with its incredibly long bench trying not too feel too unwanted.)  Liv sat next to me and moaned that we were eating too slow and she couldn't "sit here this lo-o-o-o-o-ong".  (I didn't realize sitting required so much energy.)  Ashton ate his nuggets and grunted periodically when they got stuck in his ketchup cup.

But then!!!  I had a sudden moment of inspiration and I thought about the following. 

This is our Easter story (hence the title).

The Grayson children scored big this Easter.  Not "big" as in lots of presents but "big" as in awesome, rock your world presents.  Yes, the Easter Bunny knows my children well.  They all got candy, of course.  (Note: Ashton likes na-nee, very much.)  They also all got kites and - wait for it - nail polish.  Ok, Ashton did not get nail polish.  He got a puzzle but he is only 1 and doesn't really care that much anyway.  The girls however, were in heaven.  AND!  As if the nail polish were not enough, they also got little flower stickers to put on their nails once the paint was dry.  Red for Ellie and Pink for Liv.  It was such a good gift getting session that the girls disappeared with nary a complaint.  I finally had to call them for dinner.

Side note here:  How often have your children disappeared for an hour without a peep?  Me either.

Back to my story.  I called them to dinner.  Ashton and Liv came right away.  Ellie eventually showed up and informed me  that she was going to be a little late for dinner because she had to finish her toes.  I paused and thought a moment.  Finish? That can't be good.  I looked down and sure enough all 10 finger nails (to the first knuckle on some) and 5 toes were painted.  I panicked.  

"Where did you paint them Ellie?"  I asked with a note of hysteria in my voice.  Ellie picked up on my panic at once and stopped talking to me.  "Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law" was, I'm sure, what she was thinking.

"Please, Ellie.  You're not in trouble.  Just, please tell mommy where you did your nails?" I pleaded.

"Your closet" was the whispered answer.

I flew across the house to my carpeted closet and found.... nothing.  There was the polish - open - and the stickers, but nothing had spilled.  I am not sure how my 4 year old managed to get the bottle open and paint 15 of her 20 appendages without spilling a drop.  The carpet gods were smiling.

Here is a picture of Ellie's first attempt at self beautification.  She didn't do too bad.

books

Ok, I have a favor to ask the blogging community, or at least those that read my blog.  I have just finished reading the twilight books for the second time and am tempted to begin again mostly because I have run out of ideas.

So in this vein I am asking for your help.  If you are reading this could you give me your 10 favorite books or authors (which is how I usually decide)?  In return here are some of mine.  These are just fun books, of course if we are talking about life altering books the scriptures would be top of the list.  (In no particular order.)  

1. Twilight books

2. The Alchemist (small, simple read that for me was very profound)

3.  Spencer books by Robert Parker (these are PI books that are also simple reads but they are great get away books)

4. Harry Potter

5. The Prey books by John Sandford (these are very disturbing books - definitely rated R.  they are all about serial killers and the cop who tracks them.  I love them but they are offensive to some)

6. Wheel of time by Robert Jordan (if you like fantasy)

7. In a Sunburned Country by Bill Bryson (this is actually a travel book - I never read travel books - and was one of the funniest books I have ever read)

8.Much Ado about Nothing by Shakespeare (because I can relate)

9. Memoirs of a Geisha by Arthur Golden (I thought the language was beautiful however parts of the story are hard to read)

10. Timeline by Michael Crichton (this was a great concept - the movie was terrible)

Anyway, this is my list.  It was actually kind of hard to put together because I can't remember all the books I have ever read.  I may do this again sometime.

I have a dream...

**Note:  This post is long.  Really, really long.  Read at your own risk.  (This is what you get when you ask me to post more often.  I can get a little carried away and no one has ever accused me of being succinct.)

"I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: 'We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal.'

I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia, the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.

I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.

I have a dream today!

I have a dream that one day, down in Alabama, with its vicious racists, with its governor having his lips dripping with the words of "interposition" and "nullification" -- one day right there in Alabama little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers.

I have a dream today!

I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, and every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight; 'and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed and all flesh shall see it together.'"

This is, arguably, the most famous speech given by Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. on August 28, 1963.  It is one of my favorite orations of all time.  No matter how many times I hear it or read it, whether partially or in its entirety , it raises goose bumps on my flesh and brings tears to my eyes.  

I love his eloquence.  "With this faith, we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope."

His simple phrases that inspire humanity to reach to a greater height than they may think possible. "I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character."  (this is my absolute FAVORITE line of the whole address)

His compassion that encourages others to kindness when they have so much reason for hatred.  "Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for freedom by drinking from the cup of bitterness and hatred."

It is with all these things in mind, with the greatest regard and the upmost respect for the man and his vision that I post the following....

I too have a dream.  Mine is not grandiose.  Mine will not alter the fabric of society nor change the destiny of a nation.  Mine is not filled with the passion of years of injustice, the burning of righteousness or the nobility of truth.  

No, mine will do none of these things.

It is simple. But, to me, it is profound.  I have a dream that one day I may be able to use the bathroom all by myself.

I have a dream that one day I will be able to use the bathroom without a small voice calling to me, "Mommy, did your pee-pees wake up?"

I have a dream that one day I will be able to use the bathroom without someone barging in and announcing passionately, "Mommy, it stinks in here!  I'm getting out of here!"

I have a dream that one day I will be able to use the bathroom without watching the door handle turn and a head pop-in to ask, "Mommy, can you get me some more milk?"  I can't right now.  Obviously.

As I said, it is not profound but it is my little dream.